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Additionally, the paragraphs follow the business letter format, which states a writer does not have to indent at the beginning of their paragraphs. The first two paragraphs appear as large blocks of information that can be imposing to a potential reader. The last problematic layout issue is the use of bold typeface in the bulleted item list. The other bulleted items appear less meaningful because of this lack of emphasis.
The first sentence is awkward and wordy. Williams's suggestions for concision are that a writer deletes meaningless words and information that can be inferred by a reader. The CEO writes:
The 2006-2007 school year was a year of many successes for the Philadelphia Electrical and Technology Charter High School (PE&T), from the our Best Practices School Award to meeting all 17 AYP targets...
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